Faith

Resilience!

P1080011March 16, 2014

 

Hey there dear friends and family!  Thank you so much for your expressions of love and concern toward us.  We appreciate each prayer, each word, each call, each thought.

 

As you may have noticed, I’ve been pretty much out of contact since the news J.  We went ahead and took our vacation the 1st 10 days of March – it had been planned as a time of rest and refreshment (and no internet!!!!) before our move to Peru.  Instead it was strange and hard.

 

We got back last Sunday and quite frankly, I just haven’t been up to email.  I feel like I’ve been wandering in a fog all week.  None of the things that were on my “to do” list before are pertinent anymore and I can’t seem to focus.  It’s hard to see people.  The casual question “hey, how are you doing?” that everyone asks as a greeting has taken on a new awkwardness.  I don’t know how to respond.  

 

Warner’s shingles are still bothering him.  On the other hand, his unique sense of humor remains intact.  Friday night he was standing in line to serve his plate at a get together.  Clay Jeffries, his long time sparring buddy, was in front of him.  Clay was moving a little slow for Warner’s taste.  So Warner nudged him and jokingly said, “I’ve got 2 months left.  Just take your time.”  After some awkward reactions and then lots of laughter, it freed everyone up to acknowledge the elephant in the room.

 

Tomorrow at 6a he gets his port put in and then Tuesday he starts chemo.  This time it seems so different.  We’ve danced this dance before.  We know the tune.  We’ve sung the song….

 

And yet my new word is re•sil•ience (rɪˈzɪl yəns) 1. the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched; elasticity. 2. ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyancy.

I just can’t get over how resilient we can be –crying one moment and smiling (really, sincerely) the next….  It is so very odd.

 

Certainly God is speaking through His Word in all of this.  I have gone to Exodus 33 again and again, particularly where Moses responds to God when God tells him to leave Egypt and go to the promised land.  Moses told God, “if your presence will not go with me do not bring us up from here.  For how shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight….is it not in your going with us, so that we are distinct from every other people on the face of the earth (vs. 15, 16)?”  Warner and I have are so acutely aware that we don’t want to move another step without His presence.  Praise God we rest in the assurance that He lives in us.  Praise God that this world is not our home.

 

Other verses that I have clung to in the past couple of weeks are:  

The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the Lord upholds his hand.  Psalm 37:23, 24  

Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me.  Micah 7:8

…Now hope that is seen is not hope.  For who hopes for what he sees?  But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.  Romans 8:24, 25.

 

With grateful hearts, we continue to beg for your prayers.  We love you.

 

The day after…

February 26, 2014

 

Well, yesterday was the day we had so looked forward to for the “green light” from Warner’s oncologist.  We have been waiting and waiting and waiting to book our tickets to Peru and the moment had finally arrived.

 

But the light was not green.  Warner has been officially pegged with stage 4 metastatic colon cancer.  The tumor near his chin (that he had taken out last Thursday) was cancerous.  Cancer is in his lungs, pelvis, seminal vesicle and sigmoid colon.  

 

As an added treat, he has shingles and is in tremendous pain.

 

The first words out of his mouth when he heard the news was “Well, I guess that means we aren’t going to Peru.”  Death of a dream comes hard.  We are grieving.  We are sad.  We are confused.  We need your prayers, we beg you to pray with us.  

 

But, at the same time, we are not without hope.  We are trusting God to sustain us and carry us through this, to keep us very present in the pain and not stuff or hide.  We trust Him to give us the ability to love each other well to keep us from being self absorbed.  We are believing Him to keep us cognizant of our weakness so that we continually lean into His strength.  We long for Him to shine His marvelous light in and through us, to glorify Himself even in this dark time.